Tuesday, July 01, 2008

This writing business. Pencils and what-not. Over-rated, if you ask me. Silly stuff. Nothing in it.*

Sometimes I don't know why I write this thing. It's such a vanity, having a blog, thinking that people actually want to read the ramishings and ramblings of my fucked up brain. I haven't posted in a while because lately everything seems like gloom and doom.


We're going to have to move. Again. Reasons, you ask?

a. The neighbours. The couple next door have eight children between them (four full time, another four every weekend). On the weekends, my kids can't really use the back yard because it's overrun with their kids and their friends' kids. Our back yard is tiny. Eight kids plus my three is just too many kids. And because most of their children are older, my two little ones get a bit run over.

b. The neighbour's dogs. They have a bull mastiff and two boxers. The bull mastiff chewed thru the cable wires last week, leaving me with no internet and no phone for two days, until the cable company could come and fix it. All three of the dogs are left tied in the yard a lot - the bull mastiff is out there pretty much 24/7. None of the dogs is on a long enough lead and they're all bored, so they dig. And dig and dig. And they shit everywhere. It's disgusting. So the tiny back yard is made even smaller by the area off limits due to dog shit. At night, the boxers are locked in the cellar and the shit in the cellar doesn't seem to get cleaned up, so it stinks down there. Their cat got onto our side of the cellar and peed on stuff, so a bunch of my stuff now reeks of cat pee. It's lovely.

c. The landlady. Before we moved in, there were two people living here and two people on the other side. Now there are five on our side and a minimum of seven (three adults, four kids full time) and a maximum of eleven on the other side. This, naturally, increased water usage which increased her water bill. She decided to raise our rent by $100 a month and charge us $250 for the past three months of water usage. It's illegal to charge for water in this state, but if we don't pay it, she'll kick us out. She's been a pain in the ass about fixing things, too, vaguely threatening to charge us for a visit from the electrician and the plumber. I just don't trust her to not up our rent every time her bills are a bit higher than expected. She gets plenty of money for these two places and I don't feel like I need to pay more because she failed to take her increased water bills into consideration.


In other news, I started on Cymbalta and I've had a headache ever since going on it. Not a horrible one, just an annoying one that I can't seem to get rid of. So far, it's not doing much to alleviate the depression, but I've only been on it a couple of weeks. Plus, I have so much crap going on that even if it did start right away, I might not notice it. I am stressed with a capital ST.

Does anyone want to come and help me pack?


*Eeyore.

Posted by Major Bedhead at 1:32 PM 17 comments

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Hello! HELLOOOOOOO!!!!



Heh.

Posted by Major Bedhead at 9:05 PM 4 comments

Monday, June 23, 2008

In Which I Channel Georgia O'Keefe


Posted by Major Bedhead at 9:30 PM 8 comments

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Promoting

I'm on a small mom's bulletin board. The owner of the site asked me how to go about promoting the board, to get more people on there who want to talk politics and current events in addition to talking about mom stuff.

Anyone know how I can help her? Given that I'm not in the big leagues of bloggers (or, going by yesterday's stats, even in the bush leagues any more), it's obvious that I don't really know how to do this. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Posted by Major Bedhead at 1:00 PM 7 comments

I'm Voting Republican


Posted by Major Bedhead at 10:33 AM 3 comments

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Me And Kevin, Sitting In A Tree; Or...

.My Brain Is A Scary, Scary Place Sometimes. (I've already relayed this story to Kevin and he hasn't called the police. Or the Secret Service. Or the insane asylum. So I'm sharing it with you, because I do love publicly embarrassing myself.)

I don't usually get into the "Dood, I have to tell you about this dream I had last night," posts,
but doods, I have to tell you about this dream I had last night.

Kevin Charnas and I decided to go to a conference, being held on a very Ivy League-ish
college campus. No idea what the conference was about, but we were going and rooming
together. While we were there, Kevin decided to run for President (it could happen). But
he also decided that he didn't want the whole world torealize he were gay - even though,
while at said conference, he was snogging men and not trying to hide anything. So, he
asked me to leave my husband and kids and marry him.

And I said sure.

And so we went thru this long, weird, vaguely American Gladiator-esque thing where we
had to bash people with foam bats (wearing matching cargo shorts and Grateful Dead t-shirts)
and perform our favourite songs from Broadway shows and give each other makeovers.

For that segment of the dream, I dressed like this:

(Which would be just fine with me - for years, I've had a bit of a girl crush on Donna Reed.)

And Kevin dressed like this:



(Although often sans jacket and tie, shirtsleeves rolled up, top button undone, to indicate his willingness to get to work. Or maybe he was just warm. But whatever. Cary Grant. Mmmmm.)

I fell over a lot.

Kevin, ever the considerate fellow, was always making sure we had food available. And
we both seemed to think that this was completely normal and what politicians did when
they were running for office. This dreamwent on all. night. long. We were followed by
paparazzi constantly, most of them taking pictures of me as I fell on my fat arse.


See? Am fucked up.




Labels:


Posted by Major Bedhead at 10:49 AM 0 comments

Monday, June 16, 2008

The Step-Monster Files

My father married this...woman a long time ago. For years, I've referred to her as the Step-Monster because she can be a complete and utter bitch at times and did her best to make most of my teens and twenties miserable.

I was summoned to the Manor for Father's Day and we made the trip out there. My dad had this huge cut on his head and we all fell to talking about injuries. I was telling this story about how I fell over the winter, landing on an ice-covered rail road tie, giving myself a massive, black, blue, purple and green bruise that encompassed my entire ass cheek. Step-Monster said "Gee, I thought your ass would be too big to fit on a rail road tie."

I just stood there gaping. My father said "That wasn't very nice," and everyone else found other things to look at.

This is the same woman who, every year for Christmas, has given me a light or low fat or Atkins cook book. Every year. For, like, 10 or 15 years. Because I need reminding that I need to lose weight. Because that's what you say to someone after they tell you they've been going to the gym every day for the last few months. I needed to hear just how fat, exactly, my ass is. Again. Because I don't have enough image problems. I'm not quite insecure enough. '

So this? This is for you, my darling Step-Monster.



And to think, I get to spend next weekend with this woman, too. Fanfuckingtastic.

Posted by Major Bedhead at 5:13 PM 22 comments

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Raisin' 'Em Up Right

Because every New England born-and-bred three year-old
should be able to sing along with the Dropkick Murphys. (Please note The Bug doing backup vocals. We don't mess around here at Chez Bedhead.)



And know who this guy is:



Next up? Speech therapy.

Labels:


Posted by Major Bedhead at 10:09 PM 11 comments